i had a vision last night that absolutely ruined me. a bra, but it’s overalls. denim with the straps you have to tie and everything. but it’s a bra!
overbralls
I’m horrified that she’s actually considering it
I mean, of course I would be considering it, having dumb sewing ideas is basically 90% of my personality.
…oh wait no I went one further than considering it I did do it…
I ended up not going with the front fly closure, in part because the shortest opened ended metal zipper I could get was 40cm long and also TWELVE DOLLARS(!) but also because I got annoyed with trying to work out the equivalent of a waistband for the bust curve - this one has a button closure at the centre back but I think next time I would go to the effort of sewing a proper bra hook-and-eye closure because it is a bit hard to wrangle on and off.
(If you want one of your own, the pattern for mine was once McCalls M7937 before I re-did it to my personal preferences and to be a bikini top rather than an outerwear top, but view B is pretty much this except slightly longer and with straps that are, you know, not overalls.)
might have made this post a couple years ago but how far back along the evolutionary tree do you have to go before it’s bestiality to have sex with early hominids? I think australopithecus is too far but that’s just an upper bound
actually wait since humans are largely differentiated from our ancestors by neotenous traits maybe it would be pedophilia for an australopithecus to have sex with a human. and bestiality the other way. might have just discovered a new kind of crime
i think everyone in the homo erectus group is close enough to not be bestiality, so australopithecus is exactly the most human-like being for whcih it would still be bestiality. i googled some pictures of homo ergaster and like…yeah thats a dude
Yeah, fucking lucy is definitely bestiality. Australopithecines are just upright apes and don’t share many traits with anatomically modern humans. It’s still a point of contention if we really know that Lucy and her kind were actually our ancestors. Additionally, I HAVE to ask my professors this question now and i can already feel their brain doing backflips to answer
AUDIO DESCRIPTION Cashier: “Is that everything?” Customer: (referencing the person coming in the shop door) “I don’t know, is THAT for sale??” Blue shorts hottie: “Oooh baby, I’ve GOT a husband…”
You have to mention that EVERYONE in this clip has a country accent.
who even are you. like what did you write
I have no idea. Let me see if anyone else in this ask place knows.
Today, on this fateful day in sex ed, I have to teach 25 9th graders how to put condoms on wooden dicks without losing my composure. Wish me luck lmao
Now to find a way to discreetly transport this entire drawer to the other side of the building…
Today went well overall. Lots of great conversations took place alongside some… very silly ones lmao.
Here are some highlights from this morning’s lesson:
Me: *removes the wooden dicks from my bag and slaps them on the table*
Students collectively: o_O
That one student: nice
—
Me: *demonstrating how to put on a condom*
Also me: *puts it on wrong the first time, even though I practiced twice beforehand* So everyone, here we see what not to do. Let’s try that again
—
Me: *finished demonstration, holding a sheathed wooden dick* so what questions do we have about condoms before I unleash you all to practice on the models?
Student: *raises hand* yeah, I’m wondering how you’re feeling about your life choices up until this point?
Me: o-o
—
Student 1: *raises hand* miss, why are the condoms so… slimy?
Me: thats lubricant, it helps get rid of friction that might cause discomfort during intercourse.
Student 2: *raises hand* can you use lube on a slip and slide?
Me: *genuinely considering the possibility*
—
*during a conversation about excuses people have heard for not wearing condoms*
Student 1: I had a guy tell me he was too big to fit in a condom
Me: *opens a condom, puts entire forearm inside and pulls it up to my elbow* here’s why that’s not true
Student 2: I once saw a video of somebody that put an entire watermelon in a condom before, so unless that dude’s got a watermelon shlong, that’s cap.
Me: *slowly losing composure behind my mask* you have the right idea, but let’s refrain from using the word ‘shlong’ in class, please.
—
Me: what are some ideas of things we can say to people who try to pressure you into having unprotected sex?
Student 1: tell them you don’t want their penis cooties!!
Student 2: penis cooties? Pretty sure that’s just herpes
Me, internally: like… you’re not wrong
—
Me: alright everyone, time to return the wooden models up front. Remove the condoms by firmly grasping the base of the model and sliding it off. Don’t forget to throw it away please!
Student 1: FIRMLY GRASP IT
Student 2: idk if I can return it now, miss. I’ve become attached to mine(the wooden dick)
Student 3: yeah, most men are
Me: *trying to keep a straight face*
—
Student 1: miss, why are the wooden dicks so shiny when you take the condom off
Me: oh, that’s just the lubricant from the condom.
Student 2: so you know you put the condom on right if your dick is shiny after?
Student 3: yeah! If your dick is shiny, you’re doing it right
Me: *trying to keep my composure pt. 36716159* uh, yeah that’s not necessarily the case. You see, these models are wooden. Penises are not.
Student 3: then why is it called morning wood?
Me: *internally self destructs*
—
Me: *casually wiping off the lube from wooden dicks w/ a paper towel before returning them to my bag* so what questions do we have about the use of contraception?
Student: miss can you please not make eye contact with us while you do that?
OKAY Saturn is for the aroaces and Jupiter is for the trans people who’s gonna claim the next planet we need to make outer space gay so the homophobes can’t have it
I’m going to attempt to caption this. This man talks fast and puts a lot into a minute.
[Video I.D.
Bruce enters the room, clearly agitated.
Bruce: “Alright, which one of you motherfuckers did it?”
Tim Drake, slightly alarmed: “Woah, Bruce, you doin’ good?”
Bruce, so very annoyed: “Nah, nunununu, shut the fuck up. Which one of you did it!?”
Jason Todd: “Well, that very much depends on what the fuck you’re asking about.”
Dick Grayson: “Yeah, what he said. ‘Cause honestly I’ve done like six things in the last four hours alone that could probably tempt that response.”
Bruce, done with his children: “Confess, or I call Alfred in here and he’ll make you tell me.”
Time Drake, calling bullshit: “Nah, nah you’re bluffing. You wouldn’t dare.”
Bruce: “Alfr-”
Tim Drake, cutting him off, afraid now: “Me and Stephanie convinced Damien that petting zoos were like free yard sales for barn animals.”
Bruce, surprised: “I’m sorry you did fucking what!?”
Dick Grayson: “No, no that’s not it. Uh, the villains from the Silver Age that you thought disappeared didn’t. I just fight them alone and don’t tell you about it because I don’t want you to break all of their bones.”
Bruce, taken back slightly: “Jesus Christ, I’m not that violent, am I?”
Jason Todd: “A little while ago I replaced Two-Face’s coin with an identical replica that’s weighted so that it will always land with unscarred side face up.”
Bruce, shocked: “Is that why we haven’t heard from him in like three months?”
Tim Drake: “I painted all of Jason’s helmets blue.”
Dick Grayson: “And I replaced all of his guns with water pistols.”
Jason Todd: “I replaced all of Tim’s coffee with decaf.”
Tim Drake, angrily: “You what!?”
Bruce cuts in: “Alright, enough Jesus. I was asking which one of you told Superman that if he exposes more skin he’ll get more sun radiation. He’s out there in a fucking Speedo.”
Dick Grayson, laughing: “Oh, yeah, that was me.”
Bruce: “Alright, great, come fix this.”
Dick Grayson: “Sounds to me like there ain’t a situation that needs fixing.”
