I adore this idea. I’m going for it. c:
For extra tears, I listened to this instrumental piece while I wrote this. It’s also where the title came from, because I’m unoriginal like that.
Talk Of An End
Julian’s face flicked on the screen. Of course it did. Garak’s heart hadn’t taken enough of the beating so the good doctor had to spite him by propelling his bright-faced optimism towards him one last time. At least it wasn’t paired with one those naive smiles he always tacked on during their lengthy lunches. This came with a frown. A rather small one.
“Hi Garak.”
The man’s voice was normal enough. No doubt the trouble hadn’t smashed into his shuttle yet.
“I don’t know if it’s customary for Cardassians to send these, but it’s normal for Starfleet officers to send messages to loved ones just in case… well, just in case they die. I’ve recorded hundreds of these by now and you haven’t seen any yet. I’m hoping that’ll continue. I’d rather not die out here. But just in case…”
Julian’s eyes shifted down. His shoulders tensed. The gaze shifted back, no doubt to the door of the infirmary. It was unclear if the doctor was alone, but Garak was certain he was.
“I never wanted to tell you how I felt because I didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable in my company. I know life in exile hasn’t treated you well and even if I couldn’t tell you how I felt, I wanted your experience to be as pleasant as possible. So, I resisted. I guess it’s not entirely fair to tell you now but I thought it would be best to tell you in some form because I think you need to hear it.
“I don’t want to say ‘I love you’. It might be a little too brazen. But I care for you a great deal. I’ve considered stepping over the boundaries I placed and asking you for something more romantic anyway, but I never wanted to risk our friendship for that. I was sure you’d say ‘no’. I can’t be certain if that’s because you don’t want a romantic relationship with me in general or if you’re too guarded to let people in, but I didn’t want to risk it either way.
“The reason why I’m telling you this now is because I really do want you to be happy.”
Julian’s gaze flicked back to the screen. A kind, truthful smile spread onto the young man’s lips.
“There are others on the station who care about you. I know me being absent will hurt you at least a little but don’t exclude yourself from them because you’re in pain. You don’t have to talk to them about your feelings. You never even did that with me. But don’t isolate yourself. You can’t be happy by yourself and both of us know that. I don’t know if you’ll ever let someone in enough to have a healthy, romantic relationship with them, but I’m hopeful for it. After everything you’ve been through, you deserve someone like that.”
Julian sighed. His smile drifted away. He looked down at his hands. Silence. A moment passed. Then Julian looked up at the screen again and smiled.
“Even if you don’t take my advice, try not to forget about me. There’s nothing worse than being forgotten once you’re gone.”
Another pause.
“Thanks for all the lunches.”
The screen went black.
Garak exhaled, inhaled, exhaled. The air was jarring, shaky, as his heart thundered with the might of a thousand storms. Tears seized his vision, teetered, and then pooled out of his vision in a slowly growing cascade. Oh, his dear doctor. His dear, dear doctor. How foolish had he been to fall for such a troubled soul. How careless had he been to show his heart in such a way. How arrogant, how foolish, how reprehensible. Garak could’ve punched out the screen and screamed profanities at the dear dead man with a passion that dared defy what any Cardassian even dream of.
Yet, all he wanted to do was place his hands on the dear man’s face and kiss those tanned, seemingly sun-stained lips. He wanted to feel the man’s presence and feel the glow of his optimism taint his own bitter outlook. He wanted him, that dear Julian, to rest at his side, to read with him, to fall asleep resting against his very scales, to listen to the man breathe evenly as his mind rolled unconsciously through memories and visions and stories. Then he wanted to see the greens and browns of the doctor’s eyes dance as the morning alertness rose him from that tumbling darkness. But the only darkness for the doctor now was the infinite one that came with the blank mind and frozen heart.
Garak wasn’t sure how long he sat there in his miserable solitude. But when he rose, he demanded that all alarms be shut off. No wake up calls. No work. No interruptions. He crawled into bed without changing out of his day clothes and wondered how the dear doctor had fared in his last moments and if he was the last thing the man thought of. It was hours before he drifted to sleep.
He woke to the door chime. Garak wasn’t sure what time it was, but it was far too early to his mind. Still, he pulled himself from the bed, walked to the door of his quarters, and opened it with the hopes that a grumpy, tired face would steer the unwelcome guest away. The face, however, crumbled whatever bitterness he attempted to expel. The tanned features, the messy black hair, the green and brown eyes with an amber hue – they were all present in the hallway. As present as the torn and blackened uniform that graced the man’s body.
“Doctor,” Garak whispered. “How…?”
“The shuttle was attacked and destroyed by the Jem Ha’dar,” Julian answered, “The others found the wreckage and thought O’Brien and I were dead. But we managed to transport ourselves onto a nearby planet with the on-board transmitter. It wasn’t until we felt they’d gone that we turned it on. Another Starfleet vessel picked our signal up and brought us here. Sisko said he’d already released our final farewells. As soon as I was able to, I came here. He said you didn’t open your shop today so I assumed–”
Garak couldn’t hold back any longer. Relief jarred his body forward as shaken arms captured the man and pulled Julian against him. The warmth. It was real. It felt like Julian had captured a mild day on Cardassia and carried it with him underneath his natural glow. Tears welled in Garak’s eyes.
“You’re a foolish man, my dear,” Garak whispered. He tightened his hold. “Kind, but foolish, to send such a message to me.”
“Garak–”
Julian pulled back some. Garak let him. He scanned the young man’s uncertain expression for half a second before pushing forward and taking his lips. They were warm and alive, just as Julian was.
Garak intended to keep him that way.
